As I type this on my phone (which is still pretty crazy when you think about it) I think about how hard it can be to push myself to follow through with things that I known are good for me. Today I went out for a run even though I wasn’t feeling great mentally. As I got going I felt ok, but something was just off. As I got two miles into my planned six mile run I was just overcome with the desire to stop and head back, but I didn’t, and when I think about it, there’s no tangible reason why.
It would have been a lot easier to turn around and walk back, but I pressed on. As I was in that time of struggle I thought of the small group of people who have been encouraging me to run, and how I’d be letting them down if I stopped, but then I also thought of something else, that can be easy to lose sight of: that I know how much better I feel for not only having run, but for pushing through and finishing something that isn’t easy.
In a way, as I sit here emotionally drained from my day, I’m still making myself write my 90 in 90 entry. Would anyone care if I missed a day? Maybe, maybe not. Is it because there’s a consequence for missing a day? Probably not. In fact, most people have already missed a day and we’re just starting. So why do I do it? Because I promised I’d do it. Not to anyone else, but to myself, and I’m not only not someone who quits. I’m also my own harshest critic, and even more importantly, I know how good it felt to complete this project last summer. I learned a lot about myself and while I may not be a literary genius, I am a much better person for having participated than if I’d fallen asleep watching television.